(forgive my grammar mistakes, please)
Some people, who know my story think, that my life was very sad. At first, I thought it too, but than I learned, that anything can not changed, anything can not get better, when you are sad and regret myself.
When I was six, my mother gave me to the orphanage. A nice world for it is childrens home. But it can not exect my feelings about it. I did not feel there like in home. And I did not know anybody, who was. It was place, where everybody predends his feelings. And our carers were paid for pretending love, friendship and that they enjoy their work and being with us. For them it was work like any other. I hated them for it. But now, I do not mind. I can not judge them and I try to forget bad things.
General oponion is, that childrens homes are terrible and kids hate them. But it is not like this. And I was lucky. My mother paid very good one for me. They gave me education and it was always the most important for me, for succes in this world. It was my the biggest wish. Success. When I was the best, people did not care a lot about my past. It was my only target. Like drug. very plaesant drug. I was not be able to live without success for a long time.
Every morning, when I was getting up, I was imaginig, that I will be succesfull and respected. And every evening, when I was going to sleep I was dreaming about moment, when I will be the best, about jealous from my carers and people, who did not trust me, because I was from an orphanage.
And my dreams became rea. I achieved success as big as I was never able to imagine. I was not very rich - it was my another dream - but I was independent. It is great feeling. I have good high shool and by money, that mother gave me for studies and other life with money, that I earned I bought a small hotel. It was only mine. My first.
Now I do not appreciative my hotels - now each with over 150 beds - and my money or big luxure flat as much as at the begining of my cariere. I am tired. Tired from work, that do not cost to continue in now. And tired from all life. I do not mind if I fail in something. It deos not matter. I paid too high cost for success. And now, I hate it. I dreamed about success, instead dreaming about home. Home and love. I have always really needed only love. Someone realy inteligent told, that we cary our homes with us - in our hearts. home is not a place, it is a feeling of safe and happines.
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